12-45 - 2-15: further work on 'Black Light'.

2-15 - 3-40: teaching. Then phoned Mum who is back from hospital. Dad has, again, made giant leaps towards recovery and his speech is beginning to return. When we visited last evening he had eaten his evening meal un-aided. The staff are amazed with his progress. Today he was having a scan, which will help clarify the causes of the stroke.

4-45: pupil absence, so continue with 'Black Light'. Only three bars remaining which should be completed later this evening. Once the fair-score is complete then the parts can be prepared and sent to Scott and Ann of Opus 20, which should happen later this week, then back to 'Climbing the Sky' and the 'progressive' rock lecture which happens on March 9th.

The 6 o'clock News is on the TV at the moment with terrible news of the floods in Mozambique.

2 02/28/2000 My father is making a remarkable recovery. He is now eating, communicating by some speech, and generally a whole lot better. He's asked me to 'prune the roses' at home which will be done according to his instructions. We feel much happier about his ongoing recovery.

Feeling exhausted today after a weekend of hospital visits, reaching the half-way point with 'Black Light' and continuing work on the 'progressive' lecture. Completed a motivic/lyric connection chart of White Willow's 'Ex Tenebris', looked carefull at Porcupine Tree's 'Stupid Dream', listened to two 'progressive' groups from the 1980's (a period or re-grouping a strategy as far as I can tell). Today taught, visited Mum and swept the garden path and back-yard of their house(I made the point that the outside of my parents house never has leaves on it, while mine always has leaves on it!). Continued with the Macan book.

E-mails from all over the place. Thanks to Jacob Heringman for continued support at this time, and Jacob Holm-Lupo, too. Sid Smith also sent me an interesting piece of synchronicitic news connecting Jeffrey Fayman and Keeling.

1 02/27/2000 Awoke later than usual. A wet, grey and windy day. The weather of the previous two days have been fine and sunny.

The hospital staff, who are doing a marvellous job monitoring Dad, say that a scan will be possible tomorrow. We have seen a very gradual improvement in his condition. Last evening he waved to us as we walked in, and I devised a system of communication with him: 'blink your eyes for "yes" and once for "no". ' It works, so now the hospital staff are also utilizing this coded method of communication. John, a fellow-patient opposite from my father's bed, has been wonderful in keeping an eye on him. John talks to him most of the day when we, or the staff, are unable to be there. However, Dad is frustrated because he can't tell us directly if he's uncomfortable. He 'coded' this information to us last evening. So, it will a very gradual process of recovery. I expect him to be in hospital for at least eight weeks. Mum has taken this as well as can be expected. Fortunately, sister Kathy lives close by and is with her most of the time. We are with her when we can be.

The Macan book on 'progressive' rock is proving to be most helpful in my research, and has provided useful and missing information. When I turned to Composition, in the 1980's, I exiled myself from most rock music, which means more recent developments passed me by. The Macan book has provided useful pointers back into some of the groups I missed. Yesterday's journey to Manchester provided valuable time to read the book. Another journey to Liverpool on Wednesday means the book should be completed.

After returning from hospital last evening I managed to research the motivic and lyrical connections of White Willow's 'Ex Tenebris', after having transcribed the first piece, 'Leaving the House of Thanatos', last week into short-score. Some interesting things found in terms of the constrasting textures and carefully paced structure. Jacob Holm-Lupo e-mailed again sending his best for my Dad's recovery, as well as providing useful information about the record/work. It seems a friendship has been forged.

Also completed the rough working of 'Black Light' which will be copied into fair-score this week. This is different from 'Midnight Blue' and 'Pie Jesu' in many different ways.

The second half of term begins tomorrow, and the next six weeks look like being the most hectic part of the year with further Soundscape orchestrations, the piano quartet commission, the York lecture and the usual round of teaching. I have suggested to Mum that I buy a small keyboard to leave at their house so I can visit and stay, if necessary, while getting on with some work which she has approved of.

6 02/25/2000 We visited Dad yesterday in hospital. Got the impression that he's uncomfortable, semi-conscious and frustrated. He knows things are going on around him, responded to me and to hospital staff. The stroke has taken his speech, and we don't know the extent of the long-term effects it has caused. The staff say that the first forty-eight hours, after a stroke, are crucial. He still hasn't had the scan, which is important in terms of reinforcing what is already known. Had to call the staff to make him more comfortable as he was becoming agitated. In the end he went to sleep, so we left. Today we'll return late afternoon, with mother and brother-in-law visiting during the day. The other patients told us they were shocked with the way it all happened: one minute he was chatting to them, and the next minute he'd collapsed.

Phoned family and friends yesterday to inform them of Dad's condition. Much concern.

Tentatively tackled the current DGM orchestration ('Black Light' from 'The Gates of Pradise'), managing to complete a rough-sketch. Bert has made this one much easier to negotiate. Composed quite a lot into it including, at the beginning, a rotating number sequence to generate note-attacks and dynamics. Took my mind off things for a while.

Susanna and Jacob Heringman E-mailed with best wishes, as did Andrew Bass from Canada. Responded, with thanks, to them. Scott Stromann also E-mailed.

Jacob Holm-Lupo, from White Willow, E-mailed last evening. This brightened up the day and it looks as though we'll have a fruitful exchange of correspondence over the next few weeks. I am VERY impressed with Ex Tenebris, White Willow's second record, and plan to feature it in my York lecture. It seems a good example of 'neo-progressive' music on the more traditional side, but this is only a label as it is much more than that: the record is a 'work' on a musico-literary(-hermetic) level. It also raises certain other questions apropos the resurgence of things 'progressive'. The European music-scene seems ripe with creativity. White Willow are a fine example of this.

Ken Golden, from the Laser's Edge record label, also E-mailed.

A strange half-moon in the sky last night, again trailing the horizon but tipped onto its side.

Today prepare teaching materials for the RNCM which begins again tomorrow following the half-term break. Listen to a couple of items for the York lecture, then return briefly to 'Black Light', and then to hospital.

5 02/24/2000 After visiting my Dad in hospital last evening, around 20-00, we left remarking that he'd never looked better. He said he felt fine and was looking forward to returning home today. He walked down the hospital pssage with us to the door, waving goodbye to us.

We received a telephone call at around 23-00 from my Mum, saying that she'd just had a call from the hospital saying Dad had a stroke at around 21-30. We immediately drove onto Blackpool. He knew we were there, at his bedside, but won't know the extent of the damage until he receives a CAT-scan later today. The nurse told us he seems to have 'lost' his right side.

4 02/23/2000

Mum phoned last evening saying that Dad could be out of hospital today. Very good news. Let's hope.

It could be that I've picked up some sort of bug, but will see how I go on this morning. Otherwise may have to cancel the usual Wednesday Liverpool teaching, but at the moment don't feel so bad to warrant cancellation. Very rarely ill.

Yesterday managed to write the York preamble out in full, and listen to Peter Hammill's 'Everyone You Hold' which is rather remarkable. Also listened to bits of 'Nadir's Big Chance', 'Out of Water' and 'Pawn Hearts'. Peter Hammill's music has great depth. The title track of 'Everyone you Hold', although including static D dorian in the verses adds dissonance to the codettas to reinforce the lines 'When every sweet embrace has faded/the voices dip the faces dim and memory drifts away.' It also has a dramatic modulation in the middle. The surrounding ambient textures/Soundscape-like guitar lines: are these included so to heighten the line near the end of the song, 'But you're still in everyone you hold'? Hammill's music, although appearing to be very simple on the surface is not at a deeper level.

Last evening listened to Thinking Plague's 'In This Life' which has the Henry Cow ethos of the experimental and the highly original. I think, on a first hearing, this album has 'something', at least a strangeness that requires further investigation. This is one that needs to be dealt with, but at the very least played. Must beware of lecture overkill and being TOO serious!

Also managed to begin the Edward Macan book 'Rocking the Classics', which seems really rather good.

Jacob E-mailed saying that 'Sad steps' had arrived with him. Will return to 'Climbing the Sky' once the York material is assembled.

The dream mentioned by Sid Smith on his Diary is interesting.

3 02/22/2000 Dad's health problems have been confirmed: a stomach-ulcer. He is now on the mend, and looked much better when we visited him last evening. He should be home by Thursday.

A huge, eliptical moon bouncing along the horizon of the Lake District fells last night. Reminded me of Ted Hughes's poem 'The Harvest Moon', or the 'Parhelion' of the ancient Chinese, the symbol of catastrophe: possibly linked to an earlier Diary entry that I made for today which somehow went wrong when I forgot to cancel the symbol for the italics, and everything came up in italics and then not at all!! I'm not good with technology.

Lots of sun yesterday. Walked around the river: a Heron standing quietly in a pool; a darting Yellow Hammer; got very close to a Wren.

Yesterday managed to do a great deal on the York lecture, the title of which is: 'Away from the mainstream. Some recent developments in alternative rock music.' Wrote the preamble, and created six categories which should allow the possibility of covering the ground quickly. Did a brief transcription of White Willow's 'Leaving the House of Thanatos', which is an interesting example of the influence of 'traditional progressive' music, by which I mean either the Genesis branch or the Yes branch of the style, though it is MUCH more complex than that: one has to bear in mind the possibility of neo-Romanticism being bound up within the postmodern concept of quotation or near-quotation. Porcupine Tree's 'Stupid Dream' seems to me is an example of 'neo-progressive', whereas the other categories include jazz-rock (The Canterbury bands), psychedelic/electronic, electronic/ambient, experimental/avant-garde can't strictly be termed progressive. The categories may also enable the students to see that 'progressive' may not be a helpful signifier. However, this year's research - Schenker and 'progressive' - has given me opportunity for possible comparative analyses when the work on KC's music begins later this year. Things seem to happen at the right time.

Listening to Peter Hammill's 'Everyone You Hold' as this Diary entry is written, which may be the next to be put under the microscope. 'Phosphorescence' or 'Bubble' may be good ones.

1 02/20/2000 Sue has more or less recovered from her illness, and as it was a nice early-Spring day we went to Levens Park, in Cumbria, for a short walk. On the drive there I listened to Porcupine Tree's 'Stupid Dream', as this is one of the pieces I plan to cover at York. It's an interesting record, tightly unified and with, as far as I can tell, many influences ranging from early Pink Floyd, David Gilmour, early King Crimson (Ian McDonald), the long note-sustains of Robert Fripp, David Jackson's saxophone work in Van der Graaf, Supertramp etc. However, this is not a rip-off but a careful assemblage of materials which seem to relate to the title. The close-quotations are ripped from their original context in an inter-textual way. In other words the chosen materials, within their new context, create new and different meanings from their original context, and yet point to the originals. This is something close to my own compositional ethos, being a postmodern musico-literary technique. There is no doubt in my mind that Steven Wilson has chosen his original sources carefully. As I write this Diary entry Volare's 'The Uncertainty Principle' is playing, which may be the next for analysis. This reminds me of Hatfield and the North and others. Only having around an hour and a half for the lecture means that pieces can't be totally stripped down to the bare-bones as they should be. Consider ten items, under various categories, with an introductory preamble? It's a very wide field to deal with and much of it is primary research.

Levens Park was designed and landscaped from 1670-1720 by M. Guillame Beaumont. Bright sunshine, the trees beginning to green as well as greening moss on the slate walls. Mild temperatures. Always a good time of year. Interesting to consider that the ancients must have rejoiced as Winter's end came into view. A round walk via Levens Hall with Black-backed deer on one side and goats on the other side of the river. A prehistoric stone circle on the return journey. High fells in the background: Ill Bell range? Couldn't bring myself to listen to the Volare album as intended. Drove up to Hutton Roof, near Kirby Lonsdale, on the way back: very narrow lane with grass/moss/weeds in the middle, doesn't look like it's ever used - like an old farm-track with high hedges on either side and slate walls. Came out by Clawthorpe Fell, where we've walked previously. Like to explore the region: although only a small area it has a myriad of possibilities, hidden nooks and crannies etc. Return by 18-30. The days are becoming longer and lighter, and the ground is drying-out. Beginning to feel there is light at the end of the tunnel in terms of this pretty hectic time of activity. Keep thinking, 'In the midst of difficulty lies opportunity'.

Mum phoned. Dad is to remain in hospital until a satisfactory diagnosis has been reached. We go to see him tomorrow evening. However, he continues to improve.

7 02/19/2000 Sue is now in the grip of some sort of bug and has been unwell today. I went to the hospital to see Dad this afternoon, who is looking very much better. Earlier today he was told that the internal bleeding has stopped, and it looks as though he'll probably be able to go home early next week. We're all very pleased.

Managed to photocopy/bind the 'Sad steps' piece and send it off to Jacob and Susanna just before going to hospital. Although the actual composition was completed on the 14th, other loose ends were tied up early this morning as there is no teaching for a few days.

Phone conversation with Steven who says he likes the CD, calling it 'contemplative'. Received Edward Macan's 'Rocking the Classics' (OUP) from Sid, via Sean, this morning (thanks to them) and two recent editions of 'Pynk Moon' which I seem to have missed.

This evening will be able to sit down and watch 'Casualty', and analyse one or two of the pieces for the York lecture. As I write this Diary entry TOTP 2 is on TV, with Lindisfarne's 'Meet me on the Corner' being played from an 'Old Grey Whistle Test' performance. I remember many, many years ago when I was an FE student (my parents having recently withdrawn me from Public School due to lack of commitment - on my behalf), some friends were performing at a club somewhere near here, and invited me to go along with them to provide a flute obbligato on a Lindisarne song. The date would have been sometime in October 1971. The intonation of the guitars was so flat that I remember having to pull the flute head-joint out a very long way to compensate, besides some of the notes being completely unresponsive. My friends seemed unable to tune their instruments, even when I mentioned that they were miles flat. I think the song could well have been 'Meet me on the Corner'. Don McLean's 'American Pie' is now playing, from a performance on BBC 2's 'In Concert'? Why is the tempo fluctuating?

6 02/18/2000 Last evening, whilst awaiting news about my father's health, managed to more or less complete the 'Sad steps' piece with only twelve bars remaining. Mum eventually telephoned to say that Dad was OK and not to worry.

Today, shuffled student teaching times around managing to finish early and went to Blackpool Victoria Hospital to see him. He's in the middle of a blood-transfusion. The tablets that he's been taking for his heart have disagreed with him, and he may have a stomach-ulcer but this has still to be confirmed. He's much better than I thought he would be and, as usual, reasonably optimistic. Whatever the case, he will probably have to go on a fairly strict diet from now on.

Half-term has just begun. Decided a routine is necessary to get the work done: over half-term complete 'Sad steps' and the York lecture material; second half of term, complete 'Climbing the Sky' and the new DGM orchestration; during Easter hols, begin transcribing further material for possible musical arrangements/complete parts for Percussion Concerto for November performance (Evelyn Glennie); Autumn term: begin research for KC analyses plus complete further piece for Glennie/Bruford. Europa String Choir have also recently asked for a piece from me. This may have to wait for a while.

5 02/17/2000 Worked more or less all day on the 'Sad steps' fair score. Two-thirds complete.

Arrive home to message on the answer-machine: Dad has been rushed into hospital. My sister says it's serious.

4 02/16/2000

Spoke with Samantha Newbold this morning about the 'BS' piece. Finally decided to call it 'Climbing the Sky', which is a modified line of one included in 'Sad steps' from which the piece has grown out of. Possible Wigmore Hall performance later this year.

Living with titles has become part and parcel of daily life. It becomes clear, with time and reflection, if a title isn't right, and 'Black Sun' wasn't right. A title has to reflect processes within the piece. Besides a condensed version of the 'Sad steps' piece appearing in the central section, C# rises from middle C# to C#3 by the end. C# is also dominant to an F# which is the pitch on which the piece is built on/in (f# minor).

Further time spent on 'Climbing the Sky' before leaving for Liverpool at around 10-30. As the car was unavailable had to take the bus to Poulton station. This turned out to be a major expedition, running between bus- stops and eventually catching the F5.

Arrived Liverpool around 13-25, reading Allan F. Moore's 'Rock - The Primary Text' during the journey. Moore's analysis of 'progressive' rock is quite full, and the brief analyses of the music reveals more than some other sources. I often feel that with all these books I would have approached the music in slightly different ways. However, this is more to do with my education than a criticism of the sources. These books have prepared the ground rather well by suggesting methods by which future analytical methods may be constructed.

A good day with the students in Liverpool. One of the students asked me, 'Do you never stop thinking?' to which I replied, 'No!' Listened to Holst's exquisite orchestral technique in 'The Planets'.

Had a feeling on the train that something (a message/letter?) was waiting at home, which was confirmed on arrival.

Found suitable MS, in my MS store, on which to begin the fair-score of 'Sad steps'. Begin after writing this Diary entry. Telephone conversation with Sid Smith.

3 02/15/2000 A very busy day with composing and teaching. The back of the 'BS' piece has been broken, and another sketch has almost emerged. It feels a whole lot better, resonably accessible but molto energico, with a dash of amoroso in the central section. It has been an education writing it, because it's allowed the 'opposites' to combine in many different ways. The deadline for the piece is May 5th, the date when the Newbold Piano Quartet would like to begin working on it, but I hope to have it ready before then. It has its first performance at the Deal Festival, in Kent, sometime in August.

No time to write out the 'Sad steps' piece, but hope to begin it ASAP.

Received notice today that my piece for Bolton Chamber Choir, 'Just lost when I was saved', is being performed twice in June. Dill has also sent some more CDRs so now able to forward copies to the performers. So far I've had encouraging responses from the people I've asked to listen to the CD.

Bert has also sent the next transcription to be orchestrated which looks slightly easier than the last two, but nonetheless very challenging. He says it's been transcribed 'on the road, between sound-checks and in Motel rooms'.

Nearly completed the background reading for the lecture on 'progressive rock'. Half-term should allow time to listen, analyse and write up the notes. John P. e-mailed today with arrangement details for the day in early March.

The day began fine, but truned to heavy rain mid-afternoon. Late afternoon looked at Debussy's 'Minstrels', 'General Lavine' and the Ravel Sonatine with a view to orchestrations. The form of 'General Lavine' looks forward to Debussy's interest in progressive transformation in later works like 'Jeux' or 'Syrinx', but it is not as rigorous. 'General Lavine' is more a study in 'structural-development' rather than motivic transformation. A trial run/research?

2 02/14/2000 6-00: an early start. Satisfied that the 'Sad steps' piece is complete. Write it into fair-score this week and, hopefully, forward it to Jacob. Take Christopher to Blackpool North for the early train. Raining hard this morning, grey and very cold. Valentine's day.

Yesterday bright sunshine. We took Christopher out and ended up at Scorton for a meal. After returning from Manchester on Saturday, worked all evening and all Sunday morning on the 'BS' piece. It has transformed for the better. The 'Sad steps' piece has had a decisive impact on it, and now also makes its presence felt throughout. When I began to conceive this late last year, many synchronicities surrounded it. Synchronicity = an acausal connecting link, which may only be interpreted subjectively. If one tries to relate this it often comes over as being 'cranky'. Pieces, for me, have to be derived from a 'whole' experience by including all of these parameters, not only of a technical/intuitive nature in terms of the music, but also the synchronistic. My best pieces have always been conceived out of this dimension, otherwise they don't work. In other words, they are meaningful in extra-musical ways, programmatic and otherwise. Perhaps this is what is meant by 'writing from the unconscious'?

7 02/12/2000 The last RNCM day before half-term which begins this time next week. One or two of the students are producing interesting pieces, which will be premiered in the Young Composers' concert on May 20th. This week a lovely song, a piece for large chamber group and the '9-30 Group' piece continues to expand and change. Play my CD to one of the students, who enthuses over it.

To Piccadilly Records: Future Sound of London and Landberk CDs. The Landberk is interesting as it has a version of Peter Dunton's (T2) 'No More White Horses'. Very cold in town.

Return by 16-50. Sue picks me up from the station. Back home and straight into the piece. This has changed further in the last hour. Beginning to think that the title 'Black Sun', is now inappropriate. The title should be a reflection of the 'Sad steps' piece as this has, unobtrusively, found its way into the present piece. I have a new title but will keep the lid on it...sit on it for a while. 'BS' is now the working title. A few minutes ago I felt that Samantha Newbold's request, for a reasonably accessible piece, was gradually being met. I've felt for some time that the more dissonant side of my composing still has a function to play, but it has to be purposeful. Beginning to feel that 'modernist' language, for me, is a dead duck. Suddenly this new piece has taken on a life of its own, possibly opening up another dimension of musical language. Tony Gilbert once said to me that 'Composition should be continually developing.'

E-mail from Sid Smith who hasn't been well recently. However, he says that he played 'O Ignis Spiritus' for his mother recently and she liked it very much. Thank you for the continued encouragement, Sid.

6 02/11/2000 17-37: been sitting at the piano from around 15-30 working on the piano quartet when suddenly...something happened: 'saw' into the possibilities which had been eluding me. Now convinced that the 'Sad steps' piece had to be written first for 'Black Sun' to be. Exciting moment. It's as though I felt the 'unconscious' push up from below...technique is important but palls when compared with these moments.

'In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity'.

5 02/10/2000 7-15: early start. Need quiet to work properly. Back to 'Sad steps...'. Get a lot done. Worked on the rhythm, making it less four-square, and looked into the harmonic content.

9-00 - 12-15: teaching. One student absence so back to 'Sad steps...'. I like it because I can sing it, and the harmonies are warm. Continued to refine the rhythmic properties, and more suspensions included in the lute part. Musn't clutter the texture too much, because the soprano/words are important. The piece seems to wax and wane. It has grown quite naturally.

11-15: talk to one of my colleagues who thinks I should write a film-score, but tell him that it's not my scene.

12-45: phone Jason Creed of Pynk Moon, who says the fanzine now has a new Web-site (www.pynkmoon.com). Wants to include my analyses of ND's albums on it. Fine, by me.

13-00 - 14-00: attacked 'Black Sun'. Things have really changed in this. It is the complete opposite to 'Sad Steps...', which is lyrical and warm. 'BS' is becoming more and more aggressive and rhythmically charged. Jacob interested in this, but I can only say that both sides are required. 'BS' is altogether more abstract: no words to hang music on, which, for me, requires a very different approach. Was going to begin transcription from CD/arrangement but 'BS' has encroached on the time. Must continue while the going's good.

Later, collect Christopher from the station, and mark an essay. 'Living through Pop' has just arrived at the Library. Collect it tomorrow, begin to read on Saturday. Lots to do and no time to do it in.

4 02/09/2000 Didn't sleep well last night. Ideas for the two pieces kept appearing to be scribbled into notebook. Feel restless.

Spent some time on 'With how sad steps' this morning, before setting out for Liverpool. Ideas for the piece kept appearing on the train journey and scribbled into notebook.

Reading Andrew Blake's 'The Land Without Music' (Manchester University Press, 1997) which promotes the idea that British 'progressive' rock music is tied in with the 'pastoral' (especially the New English Renaissance [V.W., Holst, Bax et al]) and, possibly, the landscape. Blake also makes the point that British 'alternative' musical styles distance themselves, somewhat, from American popular music types.

Listened to 'La Mer' with the students and 'General Lavine' from Preludes Book 2.

Bought 'Victoria Land' by The Cocteau Twins, and Steve Hackett's 'Please Don't Touch', to replace old vinyl. Once transcribed and learnt 'Racing in A' from the latter. On Saturday, plan to buy a work by Aphex Twin and Landberk's 'Lonely Land' which includes a version of T2's 'No More White Horses'. This should complete research materials, although probably not: the field is too wide.

Return journey: read the recent Mojo article on Nick Drake. Ideas kept appearing for Virelai's piece, and on Poulton platform a 'missing link' for 'Black Sun' appeared.

E-mail from Jacob saying he's received the sketch. Reply, 'Please don't do too much on it yet...it's changed!' Quarter-moon tonight?

3 02/08/2000 9-00 - 12-15: teaching. Two pupil absences (illness), so complete the sketch for 'With how sad steps', which is sent to Jacob and Susanna. Begin having further ideas as soon as it's sent. It's no accident that work should be in progress for 'Black Sun' and 'With how sad steps': 'inner' events are bound-up with 'outer' events at the moment, the outworkings, of which, are concretised in the pieces.

Very windy weather: the sea is flinging everything it has at the buildings. The roof-tiles are receiving a real battering. A colleague says, 'A storm is brewing!' Does she realise how relevant these off-the cuff words might be? The unconscious seems to be anticipating the future, as ever. Or is it all in the imagination? Experience suggests probably not.

Listened to Thinking Plague last evening. Their CD, 'In this Life', is an interesting/imaginative work. This evening there is a concert given by the pianists Sally Bishop (one of my colleagues from the RNCM) and Anne-Marie Hastings (an ex-colleague). Anne-Marie is the daughter of Jimmy Hastings: J.H. played with Caravan and Soft Machine, and sessioned for lots of groups including my old friend Keith Cross, formerly of T2, on the 1972 album 'Bored Civilians' by Cross and Ross. Yesterday had a long and good telephone conversation with Peter Dunton (T2).

Later this week begin on a new project transcribing and arranging, as well as continuing with 'Black Sun'. Christopher returns over this weekend.

2 02/07/2000 Thought the black dog had left but he appears to have returned.

Began a further sketch of the piece for Virelai today. It seems to be developing in the right direction. The piece is, I think, being performed in Florence in June.

Received a most encouraging E-mail from Sid Smith. Pleased that he likes the CDR and writes enthusiastically about it. I find it difficult to be completely objective about my own work. Can only say that once the unconscious moves it's very difficult to turn off the tap, which is why some pieces are successful and others fail miserably. However, Sid seems to have looked into it deeply enough to grasp my original intentions. Thank you, Sid, for giving your time to this.

Steven phoned last evening to say he's performing 'Pneuma' and 'Tjarn' at the BMIC, in London, in late April.

1 02/06/2000 Spent the morning completing a rough sketch of the piece for Virelai. This has all happened incredibly fast, but it has a reasonably memorable ring to it and is cast, approximately, in strophic form with a section for the flute and viol, in dialogue, during the middle section. It has something of the 'One Flesh' piece about it, although I never refer back to previous pieces when writing new ones. It is a setting of a poem by Sir Philip Sidney (1554-1586) for Jacob and Susanna's group Virelai, which comprises mezzo-soprano, Renaissance flute, tenor viol and lute. The poem begins:

With how sad steps, O Moon, thou climb'st the skies!

During the second half of the morning created a diagram defining the migratory routes of the many musicians and groups from the late 1960's onwards, in preparation for the lecture on 'progressive', or 'alternative' as I'll refer to it. Much of the background reading is now complete and has to be broken down into what is/what isn't relevant. The next part involves categorising the musicians/groups and sequencing them in chronological order, to arrive at some sort of understanding about the 'alternative' music-scene as it stands today. The term 'progressive' isn't, as far as I can see, very helpful for anyone. Then several key works will have to be analysed from each of the categories.

My shoes collapsed yesterday and we went to Kendal today to find a new pair. Success! The Chocolate House wasn't open (shame!) and so I couldn't have the usual 'violent chocolate' drink. Feel better today, and the air/light seem thicker...what does this mean? Simply put, the Spring light always seems 'thicker' to me. The weather has become milder, too. Snowdrops are out in the churchyard and in the woods. Thank goodness that better weather may be just around the corner, although I sense one or two very cold spells will descend in due course.

'Time Team' on TV, then back to Virelai's piece.

7 02/05/2000 9-30: RNCM Junior School. There is a student absence so take a bus into Manchester and to Piccadilly Records. Speak to John about things 'progressive', and end up buying CDs by Volare, Henry Cow and Thinking Plague. Most of the material is now collected for the lecture on 'progressive', and an emerging picture of it all is taking place, as well as how to present it: emerging categories since the decline of the 'New Wave', and how certain 'alternative'(using this term rather than 'progressive') music follows those routes; the 'romanticism' of rock; Postmodern ways of interpreting styles which might have formerly been approached through notational-centricity; new forms of analysis which may usefully be applied to the music (a way to a 'third' position); finally the music in question presented in categories.

12-00: back at RNCM. Talk to T.H. who is in the middle of proof-reading her third novel. Discussion about the millions of things we have to do to make a living, and how creativity can be forced out of the picture. Is the saying true, 'Those who can't do, teach'? Probably best, and right, to take the view that whatever we find ouselves doing at any one time is that which we are meant to be doing. Also found on numerous occasions the following is also applicable: 'those who do can't teach'.

14-45: return journey. February is a time of attrition. Although Spring may be in the air, it is still grey and cold.

16-15: Encouring E-mails from Iain who likes the CD, and has also sent a book. Yesterday encouraging E-mails from Jacob and Robert. Thanks Sid for your Diary writings about the CD, and I look forward to seeing the paintings which 'One Flesh' has inspired...not long now!

18-00: meal and wine. Back to the land of the living. Mobile-phones all around: I will never succumb to this technology. This evening have a brief look at the Virelai piece. Further thoughts about 'BS'.

6 02/04/2000 Yesterday was a dark day. 'Black Sun' developed further...

Today went from the house of Thanatos into its opposite, Eros: made a tentative start on the piece for Virelai.

'Black Sun' and 'Into the House of Eros': obverse and reverse of the same idea.

4 02/02/2000 Sometimes life is charged with strange inner events which are mirrored on the outside. Last night I had a powerful dream:

'UFOs have been landing all night in Blackpool. I get on a return-train to Blackpool going to a place I've never been to before. Lots of people on the train are on their way to see the UFOs. We've bought a new flat on the 136th floor of a New York skyscraper. It's exciting living there at first, although it's a long way down to the ground by the way of the staircase, but then a crack appears in the concrete of the yard. Then, the electricity goes off and the wiring has to be repaired. Two important people are killed in the process of the repair work.'

On my way to Liverpool today I had a wait at Preston due to a late train, so I went to a bookshop. I was struck by the photograph of a UFO on the front cover of a book: one of those strange synchronistic moments.

On the train continued with the book, 'Studying Popular Music', which I am finding is opening all sorts of new ideas for how it may be possible to analyse Popular Musics. In a subsection of the book titled 'Towards a new musicology' Middleton calls for a cross-critical use of what he terms 'internal' and 'academic' criteria in analysing popular musics: to look at the music in question both ways, by living out the tension in the approach which both methods of analysis warrant, favouring neither one or the other, but leading to a 'third-order' knowledge. This has the ring of a Jungian approach (something I involved in my analyses of Nick Drake's three albums in the 'Pynk Moon' Fanzine two years ago). It also may have further implications for my future analyses of music by King Crimson/Robert Fripp, as well as my current research into the whole 'progressive' area which is also connected. I feel the dream may also be referring to my changing perspectives on notational-centricity: a 'crack' is gradually opening-up in the fabric of my thoughts.

Encouraging E-mails from Sid Smith and Iain Cameron re the CD.

Must stop writing: Sue has just brought a delicious meal into the room.

3 02/01/2000 Cathy Stevens phoned last evening and offered words of encouragement. This couldn't have come at a better time, because I was feeling fairly low.

9-00 - 17-45: teaching. This has been a very long day, but with two sudents absent, and a two hour lunch break, it hasn't been so bad. A thought came to my mind in the bathroom this morning: 'perhaps take another look at 'Black Sun'?' In 1993, when I decided to write a piece for orchestra, called 'Upon the Edge of Autumn', the sketches also ended up in the waste-bin. Sue recommended that they should be retrieved, and it was a good thing she did: 'Upon the Edge...' proved to be quite a successful piece. So, 'Black Sun' is back in the land of the living, and much was done today to improve it. The important thing to remember is the need to 'look into' ideas: a piece of advice I often give to students, but forget to apply to my own work. A further introduction has been added, as an anacrusis into the faster, more aggressive scherzo-like material, and 'gaps' added to break up the four-squareness. By adding/subtracting quavers to some of the bars, much like additive-rhythm, the music is either stretched or compressed which bends the rhythmic parameters, somewhat. The music is now taking on a life of its own, with the dark music of the middle section gradually overlapping, or eclipsing, the faster music. Feel more encouraged. Keep going! 18-15: return home. Phone message from Robert Orledge from Liverpool University requesting two meetings to sort out the marking of essays/orchestration papers. Thankfully, all the marking was completed last evening. Free after tomorrow, except for a school concert on Thurday. Also spoke with a colleague today who is doing research into her family. She has found out that her great-great-great-great-great grandmother was a Witch, by the name of Ann Pink. 20-10: write lists of marks awarded to students. Listen to Landberk. Memorable song called 'Dust God'.